What quarantining with a toddler taught me about leadership

What quarantining with a toddler taught me about leadership

There are times in life when you know slowing down is the best option.  

Maybe you need time to rest and re-energize. Or you decide to deliberately commit to less in order to focus on strengthening the foundations that will allow you to speed or scale up in the future.

Then there are seasons that force you to abandon what was working, strip back to basics, and rebuild.

The last few years (2020-2022) were one of those seasons for me.

We were fortunate to be able to spend it working from home, helping other organizations add value in uncertain times. 

But that also meant over a year of juggling Zoom calls and work deliverables while caring for a 3-month-old as he grew to a walking, curious 2-year-old. Add on the events and uncertainties in our community and the broader world. Each day was a balancing act to figure out how to make it all fit.

It wasn’t necessarily the amount of work that was the challenge. Busy periods of life are normal. It was the additional emotional fatigue.

I watched the people around me, in my personal and professional life, grapple with similar struggles. Our life situations varied, but everyone carried an additional burden.   

Reflecting back, this experience forced me to shift how I approach work. At the time it didn’t feel great. A positive reframing of the challenges came much later. But now some of these lessons will permanently change how I work and lead moving forward.

1. Look for a simpler way to reach the goal

With less time and energy, I couldn’t take on as many projects at once. I needed to pick a few impactful activities that contributed to my goals and be ok with dropping or deferring the rest.

That meant focusing on client work, limiting projects in flight, and simplifying my to-do list. Some simple habit changes also made the cut. To free up brain space, I tracked longer-term ideas in planning documents and “someday” lists.

Being forced to dramatically simplify was difficult at first. Stepping away from my computer in the middle of the workday to take care of a child initially made me feel less “productive.”

I had to confront that I was measuring myself against the wrong metrics. I needed a new definition of a “successful” workday.

Now I consistently question what matters the most and how to get the result in the simplest way possible. When team members suggest more action items or processes, I ask them how they decided to choose those actions. What is the simplest action they can take now to test the value or solve the problem?

Often we don’t need all of the tactics or action items to get a result that matters. A side benefit is that by forcing ourselves to simplify at the beginning of a project or day we can avoid burning ourselves out or extensive clean-up down the line. 

Results that matter could be as big as what will matter after I’m gone (ex. helping a clinician diagnose a patient sooner or addressing climate change). Helping a client make a key decision to move their organization forward. Or as simple as what will immediately lower my stress (reducing clutter on the kitchen counter or sending that email I’ve been procrastinating on).

2. Break down projects into micro goals and actions

Morning routines shifted, unexpected distractions would come up during the day, and alone time was almost non-existent until late at night. So long blocks of creative time (or just quiet thinking time) were hard to come by.

I needed to break down tasks into small actions I could quickly take at my desk or complete on my phone with limited energy. 

Not all tasks can fit into this category. But it freed up time for focused creative projects during the elusive longer time slots. Think about what small action (less than 10 min) you can take in this moment with the tools you have that can help make progress on your goals.

Small actions can build momentum and add up over time. Seeing incremental progress also helps motivate a team. Consistent, small actions over weeks and months toward a goal can have more impact on bringing a vision to life than the same amount of time spent on a long strategy summit with no follow-up.

3. Remember that everyone brings their life to work and vice versa

The stress of everything going on at home and in the world didn’t go away once I fired up my computer for work. And work anxieties bled into daily life. 

Self-awareness and empathy become even more important skills to practice with intention. Someone’s tone, words, and actions are likely not just a reaction to the current moment. I try always to keep that in mind and be aware of why I’m reacting a certain way. To think about why others may be acting the way they are before drawing conclusions. 

Also, by acknowledging the reality of my life situation with my team and giving them permission to share their own struggles and balance their own work and life, we were able to better manage our individual mental capacity and collectively perform better. 

4. Protect your main asset in a knowledge economy – your creativity

The past two years have put extra strain on our mental and emotional energy. We’re all carrying a mental to-do list of household, work, and societal problems to solve. Worrying about the world and our families, but feeling a lack of control, energy, and time. Feeling like we aren’t doing anything well enough. 

Not a great recipe for creative flow. Around two years in, I found myself in a creativity rut. 

Looking back, there were a few issues that led to my creative burnout.

One was spending two years constantly solving problems while neglecting activities to fuel idea generation.

Another was staying in a role that was great at first but over time wasn’t the best fit for my personality and drained my energy. Creative reframing only worked for so long before I acknowledged that handing over the reins to a new leader and shifting to a new challenge and environment would be the best next step. 

There are so many personality tests out there to help you identify what energizes you and what drains you but I personally like the Fascinate test. With 49 archetypes it can provide a more nuanced picture of what makes you happy and most influential, and what activities likely drain you. It’s also useful for better understanding others in order to build teams that best fit the mission and help everyone perform at their best.   

As I work back to creative flow, I found that the first step was writing out all of my thoughts and lessons learned, processing them, and then moving on to a new challenge. Practices like being more intentional about the books and sites I read, plus reinstating a habit of creating something small every day have also made an impact.

5. Recognize and celebrate the impact of individuals and small groups on systems

The systemic challenges we’re facing can be overwhelming. More and more issues surfaced over the past few years. Long-standing problems became dinner table topics. There are now hundreds or thousands of websites, TV shows, podcasts, and YouTube channels outlining the intertwining challenges in our physical, economic, and social worlds. 

At the same time, I was impressed to see how individuals worked together even when physically isolated to accomplish large changes. Not every fight has been won, but shifts are happening if you know where to look for them. 

The first challenge is hearing about positive changes. Most common information sources are backed by large corporations or questionable sources but I found a few alternative news outlets and publications that share different viewpoints. Getting involved (initially virtually) in local groups talking about and taking action on issues I was concerned about also surfaced real-world wins. 

If you’re looking for it, you’ll find evidence that individuals at all levels can change systems. Small positive actions could be as simple as making more conscious purchasing decisions or writing to local representatives or businesses. And at work, an individual may not feel powerful, but I’ve seen how influential a small coalition of people can be on a team’s culture, and how quickly progress can disintegrate when key people leave. 

My experiences these past two years operating under chronic stress, with one eye on Slack and another on a toddler, completely shifted how I work but more importantly, how I think about work and leadership. I’ll be course-correcting in some areas moving forward but I hope to take some of these insights into the next chapter.

What lessons did you learn from the past two years? How did your experiences change you?